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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

My husband and I have a small RV, and last week, we drove it full of supplies up into the mountains to help the people affected by Hurricane Helene. My brother-in-law, Mike, wanted to go, and against my better judgment, I agreed. Mike tends to be very opinionated. 

To the best of my knowledge, he has never volunteered for any charity or even donated, so I thought maybe the disaster had changed him and that he really wanted to help.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Halfway up the mountain, he starts spouting off about people ‘being stupid to build houses on a river’ and ‘why should the government help people who make poor choices?’ I tried to ignore him but finally said that we’re not to judge other people, only help. Then he said judging people is the only way to stop them from getting ripped off.

Aunty Pam, I got so angry I couldn’t see straight. When we got home, I told my husband that Mike was no longer welcome in our home. Then my husband said that even though Mike behaved badly, I shouldn’t be judging him either, that I was being unchristian. 

I’m trying to forgive Mike, but I’m still so mad! Am I wrong?

 

Ellen

 

Dear Ellen,

 

Oy vey. Well, perhaps you shouldn’t judge, but Aunty Pam will.

Mike behaved like a boor. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything as loathsome, hard-hearted, disgraceful, and cruel. This was a storm of biblical proportions. Even meandering streams became massive walls of water.

Not everyone can afford to live in a perfectly safe place— and exactly where is a place that is perfectly safe from tornadoes, wildfires, hurricanes, floods and earthquakes, anyway? I’ll wait while you google. Many people also live on inherited land that’s been part of their family for generations and are doing their best just to get by.

Listen, I wouldn’t want Mike in my house either, and yet one can’t deny that there is something going on with him that has resulted in a complete lack of compassion or empathy for his fellow man in dire need. People are prone to bandy about the terms ‘sociopath’ and ‘narcissist’ today, but those labels can only be confirmed by a mental health professional in the clinical presence of an individual. I don’t see Mike considering therapy, but boy, does he need it. 

And in the meantime, feeling some pity for anyone who behaves so callously will take a big edge off your anger, along with something chilled and fizzy.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam