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Ever walked into a room and forgotten the reason you entered it?

Not me.

That’s because I am rarely indoors, and when I am, because our A-frame cabin is essentially a giant room with a loft, there’s no place to actually go into another room. Unless it’s the bathroom, and if you’ve forgotten why you’re there, you have far bigger problems than your memory.

But the good news is that if you’ve recently misplaced your urinal, Aunty Pam is here to help.

No, I’m not bouncing around with random thoughts as erratic as tariff-induced stock markets. I’m unveiling the 2025 Uber Lost and Found Index and cunningly trying to weave a column around it! 

In the last four months, passengers have left behind some distinctly bizarre items in the back seats of Ubers. And a urinal is one of them. 

But I gotta wonder if that was mistakenly left behind or if the man who had been lugging it around thought, ‘This is the last time I pick up anything Elaine just bought off Facebook Marketplace. I’m leaving this here and going for a beer.’

But what about the other items? The mannequin head with real human hair? The pet turtle? The fresh breast milk? I’ve no idea how that freshness was confirmed, nor do I care to know, but if it’s like the way we behave at home, someone smelled it and, with a twisted expression of disgust, shoved it under a spouse’s nose and asked, “Does this smell bad to you?’ 

Then there’s the bucket of Feta cheese, the set of Shrek ears, and the 15 hookahs.

I said HOOKAHS. Not HOOKERS. Who would forget 15 hookers??

And then there are the genuinely high-dollar items: the 10 live lobsters! The divorce papers! A Viking drinking horn, 175 hamburger sliders, and a bouquet of 100 red roses! 

I find that bouquet of 100 red roses intriguing because, as a woman, my mind gives just two explanations. The flowers were either left behind by a wealthy guy looking to impress someone he’s trying to woo, or, more likely, they were forgotten by someone caught having an ‘Only Fans’ account and, man, he is in big trouble. Sleeping-in-the-doghouse-trouble and being served with divorce papers, if only his wife hadn’t left them in the dang Uber.

I’m going to try to investigate further. As soon as I remember where I left my phone.