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For sure the wedding of the year (century!) has been Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez, essentially ‘renting’ Venice, only to come home to the disappointing figures that the much anticipated Amazon Prime Day has been a bust, with sales down 40%, as nervous American consumers are sitting on their cash. Even extending the two-day annual super sale to four days hasn’t had much impact.

To be honest, I don’t begrudge him one bit for spending $56 million. So what if his wedding cost more than Prince William and Catherine’s—even in today’s dollars? It’s his money (and my and your money giving him a juicy tax break)—all his. I’m just flummoxed at the thought of how to even spend $56 million on a wedding.

Where would you start? Honestly, if I gave you $56 million and said, “Take this, and throw me the most lavish wedding possible,” where would you start? Dress? Guest list? Venue? Hint: It sure ain’t gonna be Pretty Place Chapel in North Cakkalakki. And it ain’t gonna be barbeque at the reception and a cake made from a frosted stack of Krispy Kremes.

Man, that makes me want a Krispy Kreme right now…

So let’s break it down so all of us whose invitations were clearly lost in the mail can imagine, just for a moment, what it must have been like: First of all, there were 200 guests, pretty much all very wealthy celebrities. Each guest would have brought a guest, entourage and security, Jeff picking up first class airfare and ground travel for all. The hotel accommodations were in different, spectacular settings, averaging $4,000 per room, per night. There were arrival parties, endless champagne and for the actual reception, the chef (who happens to be the youngest chef ever to be awarded 3 Michelin stars) was given a budget of $1,000 per plate. $1,000!!

Listen, Aunty Pam has indeed been fortunate enough to have attended a handful of lavish functions in her life in noted restaurants on both sides of the Atlantic and I have never, EVER, had a meal—even with 7 courses—that came anywhere close to a grand per head. Naturally, I took a deep dive into what Jeff’s guests were served.

Salted cod. And spaghetti.

Surely it must be a bit more special than that. I mean, there has to be a show stopper cake and all, but… I scrolled further. Ah, here we go: Spaghetti alla Nerano, which translates to a recipe based on fried courgettes with what was described as “a smoked cheese called provolone.”

Um, the American translation of courgettes is zucchini. And we all know what provolone is. You can get really nice provolone at Aldi’s. Ya’ll, they had spaghetti covered with fried zucchini and cheese. For a grand a plate. Cheers to you, Jeff and Lauren, but I’m thinking Golden Corral should be upping their prices.