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Dear Aunty Pam,

I went out on a blind date set up by a couple of friends with a really nice guy that I liked a lot. “Tom” is good friends with my two girl friends and another guy friend, and they thought we’d hit it off. I thought we had. We went out to eat, laughed a lot, and then went to a wine bar. I really had a great time and he seemed to, too.

When I didn’t hear from him the next day or the next week, I was really disappointed and told one of my girlfriends that I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t gotten in touch and I wondered if maybe I should get in touch. She said that wouldn’t be a good idea and then showed me a text he had sent her when she asked him how the date went. He wrote, “She’s nice, but pretty dorky.” Well, that was just devastating to see and I was so embarrassed. Aunty Pam, I don’t know what I did, or how I behaved to be described as ‘dorky.’ I just want to climb into a hole and hide.

The worst part is that my friends and I have spent Thanksgiving together for the last three years because we live on the other side of the country from our parents/relatives and the thought of seeing everyone and knowing they know what Tom said about me is mortifying. If I don’t go, I’m afraid they’ll think I’m being a drama queen about it.

What should I do?

Mortified

Dear Mortified,

Wait a minute, wait a minute! Who is this ‘friend’ who would do something as malicious as to show you that text?? Is her name ‘Heather??’ What a sophomoric, mean-girl thing to do. That was unspeakably cruel and breaks the sisterhood clause we all know: that no matter what anyone says, our new profile pic on social media always looks “GORGEOUS!!” and any guy we haven’t heard from is a ‘Jerk, and it’s his loss.’ We’re supposed to build each other UP, not take part in shattering our self esteem.

You know what? If you really think that your friends will think of you as a drama queen for not attending this year’s Thanksgiving meal, then that’s just another reason not to go, but to be fair to the other two, perhaps call a little pow-wow to discuss your feelings. And NOT over text. Meet up for a glass of wine somewhere and let them know how humiliated you are—that it’s bad enough to be ghosted by a guy you thought liked you, but to find out from one of them that he was unkind in his assessment of you has been incredibly hurtful and downright cruel. Then shut up and let Heather, or the others, fall all over themselves as they try to explain or come to your aid and apologize. And if they make no effort in that direction, welp, soup kitchens and the homeless population are always looking for kind souls to help over the holidays and perhaps that just might be a far better class of people with whom to spend Thanksgiving. You do you, hon.

Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam