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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

I’m in my 30s and have gone out with a guy who’s 40 a couple of times after meeting online. ‘Jerry’ is attractive, seems nice, and really made me laugh when we were emailing each other before deciding to meet.

We went to a steakhouse for our first date, and he left his phone, screen side up, on the table the whole time. Then, whenever he got a notification, he’d look at it in the middle of a conversation and even while we were eating. I left mine in my purse.

On our second date, we went to the movies, and about every half hour, he’d take out his phone, check messages, and even text back. This embarrassed me because the light from his phone annoyed the people behind us. 

Afterward, I sort of joked and said, “Are you a doctor?” and he said, “No, why?” I said I thought there must be an emergency going on because he checked his phone. He said no; he just likes to check in from time to time.

He wants to go out again, and I do like him, but do you think this is a red flag? I’d really like to have a serious relationship at this point in my life.

 

Gabby in Greer

 

Dear Gabby,

 

There are enough red flags here to knit you a quilt. Girl, what else is there to know?

Look, smartphones are addictive. Apple knew it, and now we do, too. We all have an addiction to them. Having said that, if a man or woman cannot put the dang thing down on a first (and second) date to give their companion their full and undivided attention, they never will. You’re already one short step away from being the jaded, boring couple who sit in the same living room on their respective phones, happily spending an entire night without saying a word to each other.

Jerry has already shown you exactly who he is. If you’re cool with that, go for it. At some point he’ll give you his attention—when he asks you to bring him the phone charger.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam