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Have you ever noticed that when someone is about to get political, they say, “Not to get political…”

No, I’m not endorsing Kamala, Donald or Taylor Swift. I would just appreciate being able to wonder aloud about being included in the phylum of ‘Childless Cat Lady.’

Because, you see, I am one. Paul and I share five presently. He doesn’t have children either, but I’ve heard no assignation of shame towards him being a ‘Childless Cat Man.’

And to be completely transparent, I am also a ‘Childless Dog Lady’ and a ‘Childless Horse Lady.’ While moving hay bales yesterday, the dogs inadvertently flushed out a rodent that has taken up residence in the barn, so it’s pretty likely that, technically, I might also be ‘Childless Field Rat Lady.’

Was the phrase meant to imply that ‘Childless Cat Ladies’ are lonely spinsters, something akin to Miss Havisham? Definitely not me. Perhaps it was simply meant as women who choose cats over children. In that case, Bingo, baby!

This sentiment has also been applied to Miss Swift, as I have often heard her derided by certain pundits as ‘the childless 34-year-old pop star.’ Yet I’ve never, ever heard that phrase used towards any male celebrity. Seemingly, the subtext beneath it, when aimed at women, is, ‘She’s too selfish and focused on her career to have children.’

I don’t know about Taylor, but hand up for yours truly. It’s not that I don’t have anything against children—I view them the same way as I do giant prawns: I simply don’t care for them. Want one, or a dozen? Knock yourself out—enjoy it. I’ve simply never had that maternal desire nor the willingness to joyfully make the enormous sacrifices necessary to raise a happy, secure, and functioning child. A child who will find ease in developing healthy relationships, a child who is selfless, generous, and curious.

 It took but one glance around the sullen Thanksgiving table at age 15 to realize my particular branch of the family tree would be nipped in the bud in true Barney Fife fashion. No way was I going to spawn. Only so much dysfunction needs to be inflicted upon the world.

So please keep that in mind should you hear or refer to another woman as a ‘Childless Cat Lady.’ For some women who desperately wanted children but could not conceive, it is terribly cruel. For those like me who chose a life free from the restraints of 21 years of responsibilities, well, it’s sort of like my choosing to mask up during COVID. Trust me: it was less about protecting me and more about protecting YOU.