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By Josh Lanier

Four years ago, I embarked on a journey that has not only shaped the way I see the world, but how I see myself. 

At 43 years old, after over a decade as a published writer, I made the decision to pursue an English degree. This was my first college experience, and for someone who struggled and barely made it through high school, it was a huge leap. Judging from the looks on the faces of my family and friends, they were more concerned about my current state of mind and sanity than whether or not I could pull it off. 

I would often catch myself prefacing the fact that I was a college student with the disclaimer “I know it’s hard to believe, but…” For some deep-seated reason (perhaps my blue-collar upbringing) I always felt like I had to give some explanation for my decision to dedicate so much of my time and energy to something that wasn’t producing anything tangible. I also had to watch my family make sacrifices for me—a humbling experience that, at times, filled me with deep sorrow, knowing the burden my decision had placed on them.

My surface reasons for pursuing this goal ranged from a desire to become a better writer, to developing more marketable skills as an editor or teacher, to gaining credibility and traction in the publishing world by receiving formal training as a “literary” writer. Truth is, there was this underlying sense of dissatisfaction in the trajectory of my life—a longing for something just beyond my grasp. This shift that had taken place within had left me feeling as if I still had something else to prove. One might call it a mid-life crisis, but I know for a fact it was much deeper than that. Besides, four years of studying English sounded more practical and less isolating than buying a Lamborghini or joining a monastery.

It turns out, college after 40 was a good fit for me. It took a little getting used to, but I found that the academic life suited me well, and I excelled in every course, in every subject I studied. Working 50+ hours a week and going to school full-time posed a challenge, but I was able to maintain my focus. After countless all-nighters, what seemed like hundreds of exams and research papers later, I finished my general ed courses and finally got to delve into my major. I think I took every English, Creative Writing, and Literature course USC Upstate had to offer. As crazy as that sounds, it was a great privilege and a dream come true. 

But my educational experience wasn’t just about improving my writing skills or qualifying me for a career in publishing or a teaching career. Through this experience I gained a deeper sense of empathy, a valuable skill to have, not only as writer, but also as a human being. 

College also helped me to develop a greater level of emotional intelligence, and because of that, I have become more self-aware and self-regulating, (I respond better to stress and challenges) and I find that I am more resilient when facing setbacks. 

Accomplishing my goal of earning a degree in my 40s showed me that I could do anything I set my mind to. My hope is that my children, my grandchildren, and of course my readers will be encouraged through my experience that they can.