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I have a terrible problem and don’t know what to do. Just to set up the situation, I’m 32, never married, not many dates. I know I’m pretty plain and choose not to wear much makeup, but if I wore a lot, I would look OK. I’m also about 20 pounds overweight. Basically, I’m the kind of person nobody would notice, and that’s fine with me.

About a week ago, a woman I work with asked if I would be one of three bridesmaids at her upcoming wedding. I was shocked because, while we’re friendly at work, I never thought of us as close friends, so I was really touched and said yes. I’ve only been to one wedding in my life, so this really felt special and kind of an honor.

A couple of days ago at work, I was in the stockroom, and a couple of other women were standing in the hallway, talking. They started talking about ‘Cindy’s’ wedding, and one said, ‘Well, she finally lined up her bridesmaids.’ The other woman asked who, and the first one said me and the two others. Then the other woman said she was surprised because she didn’t realize any of the bridesmaids were such good friends with Cindy, and the first woman said, ‘They aren’t. But Cindy said she only had bridesmaids to please her mother, so she went out of her way to pick three ugly ones to make sure she was the best looking on her big day.’

Well, I was so hurt that I started crying and had to tell the other people I work with that I had a migraine and needed to go home. I feel so stupid to have let myself feel special or that my friendship with Cindy was more than I thought. I’m so humiliated. 

What should I do?

 

Depressed

Dear Depressed,

I can’t. I just can’t. In a world operating with such intolerance and unkindness, this takes the wedding cake. It’s one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard— like a scene from a ‘mean girl’ movie.

And so Aunty Pam is torn. On one hand, I’d be sorely tempted to think, ‘You want ugly? I’ll give you ugly!’ and come down the aisle wearing those fake wax buck teeth and draw a huge, fake tattoo that goes up one arm and shoulder. But then there is the chance that what you overheard is gossip and not true at all.

Aunty Pam suggests you speak with Cindy directly— face to face, not by text, so you can read her expression. Ask her point blank if she indeed asked you specifically because she finds you unattractive. If it is true, well, then she is a real piece of work and, by all means, pull out of your agreement.

Just remember this, dearheart: Age is the great equalizer. One day, Cindy’s looks will fade, she won’t turn heads anymore and worst of all, she’ll be stuck with that personality. Ain’t no one going near that.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam