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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

A friend and colleague where I work recently lost her father to a drunk driver. She was very close to her dad and has naturally been devastated. I decided to send her flowers, and another young woman I work with, ‘Jennifer,’ said she wished she could do that too, but she’s so broke she can’t afford it. I said, ‘How about if I sign the card from both of us?’ She was really grateful for that and thanked me.

The flowers were supposedly delivered the next day, but after a week, I had not heard from our colleague, so I texted Jennifer to see if she had heard of them being delivered, etc. Jennifer texted back and said that she had heard right away from our colleague, who was very touched by the gesture and thanked her profusely. 

I hung up and started to feel really irked. It chaps my hide that Jennifer never told me the flowers had been delivered and then takes all the credit when she didn’t contribute a penny towards them, and they weren’t cheap! I feel like confronting her over it, and I also want to reach out to my colleague to make sure she knows I’m the one who ordered them. My husband says to let it go, but I feel offended by what happened. 

What do you think?

 

Cubicle 7

 

Dear Cubby,

 

You know what chaps Aunty Pam’s hide? Besides suede? The fact that this entire lovely gesture from you, towards a suffering person, has been tarnished by the ugly rearing of ego. 

Yes, of course, Jennifer should have said to your colleague, ‘By the way, I was really grateful to be included in this gesture as it was Cubby’s idea’ and for all you know, perhaps she did and simply forgot to tell you about the call. 

In the meantime, every time you feel irked about this, use a metaphorical choke chain on your brain and repeat three times: ‘This isn’t about ME getting applause for a good deed. This is about helping a friend through her grief and reminding her how many people really care about what happened to her dad.’

And if that doesn’t make you feel better, go chew some ice. Let it go. You done good— be the same kind gal who sent those flowers in the first place.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam