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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

You have horses, so I’m hoping you can help me understand my wife’s hobby. She used to ride as a kid until she went to college, and now, as an empty nester, she bought herself a horse. I didn’t think that much about it; I like animals. She paid for it and ridden it across town, but now I swear she’d rather hang out at that barn all day instead of home with me.

Initially, she said she’d probably ride him four or five times a week, but even when she’s not riding him, she’s over there. Yesterday, she was clipping him, and I didn’t see her all day, and this weekend, she’s going trail riding with some friends. Then she said next week she would take riding lessons every Thursday because she wants to start riding in horse shows. When I told her that the Thursday after next was Thanksgiving, she just said, ‘So?’ 

If that’s not bad enough, I caught her looking online for trucks and horse trailers, and I’m scared she’s going to bankrupt us. It’s like she’s in some kind of cult, and this whole horse thing is all she wants to do. Every photo on her phone is of that stupid horse, and there’s not a single one of me. I just want my wife back. What should I do?

 

Signed,

Worried Husband

 

Dear Hubs,

 

It’s too late. You’ve lost her. Grow your hair long, don’t brush your teeth, laugh like you’re braying, and paw the floor while waiting for dinner. With any luck, she might mistake you for another horse and at least pat your neck while you are in the same room.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam