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By Diane Nelson

 

This third column focuses on helping teenagers navigate relationships as the school year begins again. Healthy relationships enrich our lives, while unhealthy relationships can cause a lifetime of damage. 

People sometimes say, “Kids are (supposedly) resilient. They will be fine.” Resilience is defined as “the ability to adapt well to challenges, adversity, or trauma and recover from setbacks.”   

But someone must teach them.  

The CDC and Kaiser Permanente conducted a foundational study in the mid-1990s in which 17,000 people were surveyed about adverse childhood experiences. The study revealed a direct link to negative outcomes in health conditions and life itself. Childhood trauma is connected to chronic disease, incarceration, and employment challenges. 

Among the reasons for adverse childhood experiences are “social determinants of health,” one of which is domestic violence – regardless of whether it is personally experienced or secondhand.  The American Academy of Pediatrics indicates these adverse childhood experiences “affect virtually every domain in which a child functions.”  

Steps to Hope’s staff sees this every day.  So how do we help, specifically, teens?

One quick resource is the dating quiz, which poses questions your teen can ask about their new partner. (The questionnaire pdf and quiz link are both on the Steps to Hope website under “Learn More-Resources for Teens.) The teen can decide if the relationship is healthy. LoveIsRespect.org is the host, so be sure to check that website as well.

“Tips for Safe Dating” can also be found on our website. It has advice for navigating dates until they know the partner a little better. Suggestions include double-dating or dating in groups, staying in public places and surroundings, and trusting your instincts.  

Some teens respond to a friend’s toxic relationship. As a bystander, he or she senses an unhealthy relationship but feels helpless. Our website also shares ideas on counseling your teen to help them navigate the situation.

In the end, we want our teens to have good dating experiences and decide for themselves what that looks like. But if something happens, they need to know they can come to you, no matter what. Professional counseling, which is free through Steps to Hope, can help children of all ages recognize bad experiences, learn coping tools, and build resiliency. But it will take consistent hard work and support.  

The results are a well-balanced teen (and then adult) who, in the face of adversity, has learned to tip the scale toward a positive outcome.  

For more information on Teen Dating, visit www.stepstohope.org or call 828-894-2340. Steps to Hope is a domestic violence and sexual assault center serving Polk County and the Upstate.