Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

The next time you find yourself stuck at JFK, or worse, Philly…the next time you find yourself having an apoplectic fit because I-26 is backed up yet again for 10 miles…or, like me, the next time you’re trying to turn left out of the feed store parking lot and start cussing because of the steady flow of cars makes you sit and wait…

Think of Butch and Suni.

I’m sorry, Aunty Pam, who?

Astronauts Barry ‘Butch’ Wilford and Sunita Williams. You know, the two who were launched into space on an 8-day mission June 5th, and who—not unlike Gilligan on what was meant to be a 3-hour cruise— are stranded. They’ve been hanging out at the International Space Station for two months now (and would probably kill for not only gravity, but a Cinnabon at that Philly airport) owing to helium leaks and thruster failures. I cannot fathom how they felt when told by NASA that if the Boeing Starliner technical gremlins can’t be resolved, they may not have a ride home until 2025.

And wouldn’t you know it? They’re the very first astronauts for this new capsule. On Earth, bugs can be worked out of cars with recalls. But in space, they’re basically having to camp out in a big Tesla for eight months.

Speaking of Tesla, it might be Elon Musk to the rescue as it is possible that Suni and Butch can catch a ride home on his SpaceX Dragon next February— which would also come with headaches: the space station only has two parking spots for U.S. capsules, which means the Starlink would have to depart, unmanned, in order to free up a spot—

Sort of like being stuck on the runway because there isn’t a gate available after your cross-country flight.

But if the Starlink can return unmanned, I hear you ask, why can’t Suni and Butch hitch a ride? Welp, those pesky thrusters are what keeps a capsule in position as it descends to Earth. You don’t even want to think about the risks if those aren’t functioning properly…

When I was a kid, astronauts were heroes. Parades were held in their honor upon return to Earth and they were on the cover of Time and Life magazines. They were celebrated guests on talk shows. Essentially, they were all over all three channels during an era when you had to physically get off your butt to change the channel. These days, space missions are so commonplace that nobody knows their names or even if they’re in space. And it’s not just an inconvenience for them and missing birthdays and holidays with their families. Butch and Suni will also have their health negatively impacted. The radiation from space that astronauts are subjected to affects their heart, lungs, vision, hearing and a multitude of other issues. Even working out the mandatory 2.5 hours daily will not reverse the muscle loss caused by microgravity, and astronauts lose 1 to 2% bone density each month they’re in space. Even brain damage is a possibility.

If the Professor on Gilligan’s Island could make a radio out of a coconut and one of Ginger’s curlers, surely NASA can carry out these repairs as they continue to troubleshoot. At least, I hope so…

To Suni, Butch and the other 676 astronauts that have slipped the surly bonds of Earth: rest assured that you are greatly appreciated. We honor your courage and hold you in our hearts as heroes.

Even if we have no idea who you are.