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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

My wife and I (2nd marriage for both of us) are celebrating our first Christmas together and I just found out she can’t have a real tree because she gets bad allergies, so she put up a fake tree. She also wants to put on her ornaments because she said she has collected them for years, and a lot of them are pretty valuable. I have some ornaments that mean a lot to me too, but I could tell by the way she looked at them that she doesn’t want them on her tree. I went to the University of Georgia and I have a couple of little ‘Go Dawgs’ helmets that I’d like to hang on the tree. I put them on, and when I came back an hour later, she’d moved them to the back of the tree next to the wall.

To me, Christmas just isn’t Christmas with a fake tree and now I feel like I can’t even put my ornaments on this fake tree she’s got. She’s already started decorating and it’s not even Thanksgiving. Lately, she’s been asking why I don’t seem to be in the Christmas spirit. Should I tell her it’s because she’s pretty much squashed it for me?

 

Signed,

FW, Greenwood

 

Dear FW,

 

This reminds me of the saying, ‘Happy Wife, Complete Loss of Self Identity.’ Yes, it’s Aunty Pam’s saying. But here’s the thing: some people get so wrapped up in the holidays, that they don’t realize that they’re being a bit selfish. I am hoping this is the case with your new bride.

I do believe you need to have a little talk— perhaps the next time she asks why you aren’t in more of a festive mood. You might want to ask her what Christmas means to her, and hopefully, she will reply with something such as, “Well, to me, it’s all about love, and the spirit of giving.” Then you have the perfect opening to lob back, “That’s exactly the way I feel, and that’s why I have given up having a real Christmas tree so you are more comfortable, but I feel like the ornaments that are important to me aren’t welcome on it. That hurts my feelings and I guess that’s why I haven’t been feeling very festive.”

If she is any sort of a compassionate, functional human being, she will reply, “Oh, I’m sorry honey! I didn’t realize I had made you feel that way. By all means you hang those helmets on the tree!”

But if she says something like, ‘Are you telling me that you were going to put on a pouty face all through Christmas just because I’d rather you not put your tacky ornaments on the tree?” Then you’re on your own. After all, you’re the one who married her. And if you think this is bad, just wait till you see the withered expression she gives you when she opens the gift you got her that she more than likely won’t want.

 

Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam