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Now you know I love me some UFO scoops. And, like many, I want to believe UFOs and aliens are real because it makes life far more interesting.

Think about it…Perhaps you’re one of millions that slogs through breakfast each morning, commutes to an uninspiring job, only to commute home 8 hours later to re-enter a home fraught with the din of screaming kids and unopened bills. Then suddenly, former intelligence officers who had been given top security clearances begin speaking about their first-hand knowledge that the government has a dozen space crafts tucked away and possibly alien bodies. Bonus: we’re being visited more frequently than ever before and aliens might even be walking among us!

Well, now, that certainly shakes your cage a bit, doesn’t it? Suddenly there’s something to think about during your mundane rush-hour commute that’s far more interesting than drive-time radio drivel.

David Grush, the US Air Force veteran whom I described above has even claimed that the first ever UFO crash took place in  1933 in northern Italy. He said, “It’s long been known that the regime of Italian dictator Benito Mussolini documented numerous UAP. An internal memo from the Italian Secret Services includes crude drawings of the UAPs.” He goes on to claim the Vatican was involved as well.

We now have actual departments created and funded within our government to study what’s now known as UAP: Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena (I can’t get used to saying that and I’m too lazy to change from saying UFO. For the same reason I still say that I’ve ’taped’ a television show as opposed to ‘recording’ it, as if I still have Betamax). Congress is hearing from qualified experts with impeccable credentials. Some cable and online news outlets devote hours of broadcasting to following each new ‘Bombshell Whistleblower claim’ about alien craft. 

Lawmakers are currently planning hearings about Grush’s assertion that the U.S. has a UFO retrieval program, regardless of the fact that the Pentagon has denied these claims, and Grush has no smoking gun in terms of photographs or documents. This hasn’t stopped Democrat Representative Jared Moskowitz of Florida from making the bold statement, “If there are things that the federal government’s holding back from the American people, the American people have a right to know.”

Er, I’m not so sure about that, Jared. I’m not so sure we are capable of handling these sort of details.

We are, after all, a country that not only embraces conspiracy theories, but wallows in them, scattered and smothered. Millions of Americans believe wholeheartedly that our government is controlled by a group of Satan worshiping pedophiles and cannibals who run a child sex trafficking operation. But this will all be crushed by a coming ’storm’ (which has been delayed several times for vague reasons) and led by John F. Kennedy Jr, who never died in that plane crash, by the way.

Another popular conspiracy theory has been that an Alaskan research facility is actually a laboratory that controls minds. Which, of course, is bogus. Everyone knows that the High-Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, helping scientists study great distances of the atmosphere, doesn’t control our minds. The little black rectangles in our hands do. 

And let’s not forget that for millions Elvis is still alive. ’Nuff said.

So the thought of an earth shaking announcement that indeed our government has spacecraft, alien bodies and breathtaking proof that we are being actively visited by aliens would, I think, blow us apart. Our religions would be turned on their heads, assault weapon sales would soar, subdivisions of bunker buildings would become the new normal. And then we’d begin to ask ourselves if that new neighbor that moved in is actually human? Or the bag boy at the grocery store with the dull expression, or perhaps that annoying dog across the street that never stops barking… Suddenly we’re all living ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers.’

Nah, it’s best we don’t know if there are aliens among us. Just like playing the lottery, the best part is fantasizing about it.