The evil conspiracy of childproof caps

Published 10:00 pm Thursday, July 21, 2016

“Sometimes people will say something you don’t like … You let it go by even if you really would like to choke ‘em. By smiling, I think I’ve made more friends than if I was the other way.” ~ Ella Fitzgerald

Summer’s heart sprawls wildly in verdant lush green landscapes: vines leaping, sprawling, pirouetting from trees. Bright yellow canaries wing over clouds of white, pink, lavender garden phlox. June bugs buzz, a lime green praying mantis perches alongside the back door.

Inside, I stand at the kitchen sink watching the panorama outside while slicing cucumbers to marinate in the refrigerator, something cool and light for a hot day.

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Turning and twisting lids has become a chore as I struggle with a too-tight lid. Loosening them under the edges with a knife, hot water, or using a jar opener usually does the trick. Sometimes the jar wins.

Even worse, the big box store pharmacy I use always gives me those horrid plastic pill packs with each tiny pill individually sealed in foil, embedded in plastic. (Whoever thought those up needs to be locked in a room of those things, given the task of having to open them forevermore.)

Time and time again, I remind the big box store pharmacy that I do NOT want plastic packs — wasted packaging, a bear to open. Time and time again, they don’t listen. Sort of like childproof caps—you can sign their forms over and over that you don’t want those things, and you’ll get ‘em anyway. It’s an evil conspiracy, I tell you.

I may be very well heading to second childhood and all, but I sure don’t want those bloomin’ caps. If you’re by yourself without another pair of stronger hands to save the day, you either do without medicine — or take a hammer and pound the childproof varmint to smithereens. It’s my belief that a child can get them off easier!

Saluda Tailgate Market is open on Fridays from 4:30-6:30 p.m. at the city parking lot off Main Street and features local honey, fresh produce, baked goodies, plants, and the best of summer’s harvest.

Saluda Welcome Table is every Tuesday. Dinner is served from 5:30-7 p.m. in the fellowship hall of Saluda United Methodist Church. All are welcome; donations accepted.

Saluda Community Land Trust (SCLT) benefits from your donations or time as a volunteer for their many community projects. “Walks in the Woods” are on the first and third Sundays each month. Free swimming lessons are being held at Twin Lakes this summer. Contact SCLT at 828-749-1560 or visit www.saludasclt.org.

Saluda Train Tales are held at Saluda Historic Depot (HistoricSaluda.org) on the third Friday each month April through October. The depot is open Thursday through Sunday noon to 4 p.m.

The next Saluda Center Potluck and Bingo night is July 25 at 6 p.m.

The Saluda branch of Tree City USA meets at 5:30 p.m. on the fourth Thursday each month at Saluda Library.

Social Singles potluck (singles over 40) begins again in August on the second Thursday of every month at Saluda Center—the next one is August 11 at 6 p.m.

Happy July birthday to Doris Marion, Debi Thomas, Rheta Foster, Nancy Weinhagen, Lisa Obermiller, Kathy Thompson, Bill Jameson, Emily Rose Ford, Jeremy Ford, Mike Cass, Emma Jean McGraw, Nathen Pack, Melissa Justus, Hunter Justus, Alyssa Justus, Tona Justus, Lynn Savage, and Amanda Anderson. Add your birthday to the list!

Thank you, dear readers for reading this column! It’s always my goal to make you feel like you’re having a front porch visit, enjoying a summer sweet pace of life in a small town called Saluda. If you have something of note or a birthday to add to the list, feel free to contact me at bbardos@gmail.com or 749-1153. You may also visit my website at bonniebardosart.com.