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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

My only daughter, ‘Susan,’ has gotten engaged to her longtime boyfriend, ‘Mark.’

They’ve been a couple since college and are both 24. Mark’s parents threw a small engagement party, which was nice as I’m a single mother and will be struggling to pay for the wedding.

At the party, Mark’s mother, ‘Diane,’ put her arm around Susan’s shoulders and said, ‘We’re so happy to have you as part of our family, and it’s time you started calling me Mom.’

I was appalled. Susan has always called Diane by her name (she used to call her Mrs. Smith until Diane told her to just call her by her name). I feel like Diane is trying to move in and commandeer Susan’s loyalty, and leave me out in the cold. Shouldn’t the name and title of ‘mother’ be reserved for the biological mother?

 

Signed,

Susan’s Real Mom

 

Dear Mom,

 

Have you ever actually met people who happen to be in-laws? Calling an in-law ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’ or ‘Pop’ or Mother has been a time-honored, affectionate custom forever. It demonstrates inclusivity in the kindest possible way. And it must be said that Aunty Pam has a feeling that might have something to do with it…

You’re a single mom and seeing a daughter married is both a beautiful and poignant time. This is/was your little girl, all grown up, about to embark upon a new life that doesn’t include you as her main focus. And that can feel like a little dart to the heart.  

But it must be said, dear, that your last paragraph virtually vibrates with insecurity. To feel so threatened by Diane’s lovely gesture towards your daughter is rather ‘young behavior.’ And then to smolder in the belief you’re being kicked to the curb…

I think it’s safe to say you’re freaking out just a tad, and it’s imperative to take a breath and try to stay in the moment with these feelings and see them for what they are: feelings. Not facts, feelings. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging jealousy and insecurity. Then you can put them to rest because the last thing you want is those same feelings rearing their ugly heads and creating a scenario you will regret.

Now, enjoy all the details that are forthcoming: being there for Susan as she chooses her dress and her Hen Party. Grab a bottle of something fizzy, and enjoy!

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam