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Dear Aunty Pam,

I’ve just come home from visiting my daughter and three-year-old grandson and am so hurt that I’ve been in tears all morning.

It all started when I told my daughter, ‘Sandy’ what I had gotten ‘Billy’ for Christmas at a local arts and crafts show. I got him a little, hand-made wooden choo-choo train and a few wooden blocks with letters of the alphabet painted on their sides. I thought they were adorable. 

However, when I told Sandy, she became quite negative and said that he would probably ignore them for the more interactive toys that he already has. When I said that those involved screens and pediatricians say it’s not a good idea for toddlers to use them, she became very angry. She accused me of interfering with the way she raises Billy and, even worse, told me I was projecting my old-fashioned ideals by buying him old-fashioned toys he would never want.

I apologized and said I didn’t mean to interfere, but she remained angry and so I left. At this point, I don’t know what to do with the toys, and I have no idea what to get Billy, or if I should get him anything at all? Please help.

Billy’s Nana

 

Dear Nana,

Well, this is a bit of a chin-stroker because Aunty Pam isn’t privy to the relational history between you and Sandy. Meaning, I’ve no idea if Sandy is being an unfair and unkind hothead or if she’s been biting her tongue while you’ve been working her last nerve in regards to raising Billy.

The hard truth is that no one, especially one’s own flesh and blood, appreciates being told how to raise their child— even if it is simply a statement with the best of intentions. It rankles.

Yet, I completely understand the charm of handcrafted wooden toys that speak of simpler times for a child’s present, in a world that very much seems to have gone mad. For sure, donate them to a children’s stocking stuffer charity—they’re too lovely to trash.

In the end, you’ve apologized already. The ball is in your daughter’s court. The best way forward seems to be, provided she indeed gets in touch, to ask her what Billy would like for Christmas. And don’t worry if Sandy requests something plastic with a screen. You and I both know any three-year-old would rather play with a box that came in instead of the actual toy.

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam