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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

I know it’s usually the woman asking, “Does this make me look fat?” that people joke about, but in my case, it’s my husband. I love “Harry, “ but his insecurity is driving me crazy.

We’ve been married a little over 20 years, and in that time, I’ve stayed pretty much the same weight but Harry’s put on about 20 pounds, mostly in his belly. He’s a tall guy, so he can carry it pretty well. I honestly think he looks fine but he brings it up constantly. He’s always saying things like, ‘I’m so fat I’ll bet you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.’ Last week, he even said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve been secretly going to an online dating site to meet better-looking guys than me.” 

I told him he was crazy and he’s not nearly as big as he thinks he is. Then he takes off his shirt, stands in front of the mirror, and points to every part of him that he hates. I’ve even seen him do this when he didn’t know I was watching. I want to support him, but he’s driving me crazy with his insecurity. Is there anything I can say to him to make him feel better about himself?

 

MW

 

Dear MW,

 

I’m not sure if you can say anything to Harry to make him feel better about himself— but a trusted mental health professional can. I’m just a comedian, so while I can open a beer bottle with my teeth, I can’t tell you if Harry is suffering from insecurity, body dysmorphic disorder, or clinical depression. But this seemingly obsessive preoccupation with perceived flaws is rather heartbreaking—not to mention the lawn darts of verbal misery that he tends to toss in your direction. I hear how frustrated and helpless this leaves you.

Aunty Pam strongly advises you to give your hubby a kiss and a cuddle, then gently suggest making a couples counseling appointment to help guide you both forward. That’s all I got.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam