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Dear Aunty Pam,

I’m just wondering if I’m crazy. Hopefully, you can help me!

A friend of mine from work, ‘Melissa,’ hooked me up with a guy she’s known for years. She kept saying we were perfect for each other and that she’d known ‘Ted’ for years. I wasn’t too sure about being set up on a date but she gave Ted my phone number and he called me. We actually had a really nice conversation and I liked his voice a lot. Then he texted a photo of himself and I thought he was attractive. I guess he thought I was too, because I sent him a pic of me and a few minutes later he called again and asked me for a date. I said OK.

We went to a pizza place he knew which was fine with me and after we had been there a few minutes he said he’d just heard a really funny joke and asked if I wanted to hear it. I said sure and he proceeded to tell me the raunchiest, grossest joke I ever heard. 

It was so offensive that I was pretty shocked. He made some comment about how he guessed it wasn’t as funny as he thought because I didn’t laugh. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and said I was pretty tired from work and then he changed the subject. The rest of the date was OK, but I was really glad to get out of there and get in my car and go home.

Since that night, Ted has called me twice and wants to get together again. He must’ve figured out I didn’t like the joke because he apologized for telling it. I told Melissa about it and she told me to get over it, it was just a stupid joke and that Ted’s really a great guy. She even told me not to be such a prude.

I still can’t shake off that joke. Am I making a mistake? Am I missing out on somebody who might be a really nice guy?

Help!

Unsure

 

Dear Unsure,

If there’s one thing Aunty Pam has learned, besides getting out of the tech market as it was closing in on 10,000, it’s this: LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Got it? Not sure about whether or not to date a man? Listen to your gut. Put off because of appalling judgment in an ‘icebreaker’ sort of joke? Listen to your gut. What’s 2+2? Listen to your gut.

But as a comedian, I’m really curious to hear the joke.

(Update: Unsure told me the joke. I did a spit-take that knocked my monitor off the table. That joke would have embarrassed Red Foxx.)

What’s a bit disconcerting on top of Ted’s choice of comedy material is that you’re sort of being ‘gang sold’ on him by Melissa. As she is also your friend, it’s disturbing that she doesn’t see the offensiveness you experienced as a valid reaction—in fact, she’s pointing the finger of blame at you. Aunty Pam would advise you to never let her set you up on a date again.

In the meantime, it’s good to hear that Ted did apologize for telling that joke. But that doesn’t mean that you’re some kind of prude for having felt so turned off by it that it squashed any potential feelings you might have had for him. You’re not the problem here, capiche?

Cheers, dears!

Aunty Pam