“What is happiness, anyhow? … so impalpable — a mere breath, an evanescent tinge…”  ~ Walt Whitman

The secret is out.

I’ve been cheating on Mr. Coffee. Can someone out there tell me why-o-why is it so hard to find the RIGHT one — the small simple coffee pot that makes great coffee with rich flavor, hot enough so you don’t have to take your mug to the microwave to ‘boost’ the temperature up, and a pot that lasts more than six months without the base rusting out?

You know, the one that stays the distance. Mr. Coffee isn’t the guy he once was, he doesn’t hold his end up well — but he makes a cup of pretty decent coffee as long as he’s around.

My day job should be coffee pot tester for Consumer Reports. Heaven knows I’ve test-driven enough pots to make me the Queen-of-Coffee-Pot-Testers. (Go peek under the kitchen counter: there’s a line-up of suspect pots down there waiting for a yard sale. Or if you need a pot, call. I have connections!)

Let me tell you: a good pot is hard to find.

My old Mr. Coffee’s base plate’s finish wore off, so I tried a nice Proctor-Silex found brand-spanking-new in a thrift shop: it had a metal warming plate, glass carafe—everything. Nope.

Then a Black & Decker with a nifty compact design. Nope. Then a vintage thermal Krups machine: again, found new in a thrift shop. Nope.

Folks, I’m not paying a fortune for these pots since they’re being scavenged from thrift shops, but I’m running out of patience and room.

A cup of coffee should be the best thing about the morning, shouldn’t it? Maxwell House says so.

Finally, in despair and with determination that I will have a good cup of coffee once again in this lifetime, I caved.

The Turtle and I hauled to Hendersonville and picked up Mr. Coffee. He was hanging out on the aisle with a smirk on his face.

Yes, I’ve gone back to him once again, after trying to find happiness with others. Let’s see how long the relationship lasts this time.

• Saluda Welcome Table at Saluda Methodist Church is every Tuesday, from 5:30-6:45 p.m.

• Learn about Saluda Community Land Trust by visiting saludaclt.org or calling 828-749-1560. There won’t be a “Walks in the Woods” on April 1, Easter Sunday. For more information on joining walks, contact Chuck Hearon at 828-817-0364 or chearon@skyrunner.net.

• The City of Saluda and the Parks Planning Committee are celebrating the second year of the fund-raising campaign to make McCreery Park master plan renovations a reality. On March 24, from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., bring the family to enjoy play, music, food and fun along with dancing, a raffle and a wood-turning demonstration by Mark Gardner at McCreery Park. Thank you to Clark Thompson, who will match donations up to $25,000. Want to help too? Tax-deductible donations can be made payable to the City of Saluda (ear-marked “McCreery Park”) to City Hall, P.O. Box 242, Saluda, NC 28773.

• There’ll be a community potluck and bingo night at Saluda Center on March 26, 6 p.m.

• The Easter Egg Hunt (sponsored by Saluda’s Welcome Table) is March 31 across from Memorial Park, 2-4 p.m. For information, call 828-749-3789.

• Happy March Birthday to: Faye Chandler, Genell Jespersen, Charlene Pace, Valerie Mintz, Sheldon Mintz, Curtis Pace, Anita Odgen Moore, Charles Weinhagen,  Kevin Kerr, Dorrie McKinley, Catherine Ross, Jane Fox, Beverly Pickard, Monica Pace, Ken Justus,  Elizabeth Justus,  Arlene Klippel, Rachel Bradley, Chris Bradley,  Martha Stoney Anderson, Dawn Ward, Peggy Wolf, Dori Ray, Martin Anderson, Lucy Holman, Craig Bass, Laura Bass, Patty Martin, Dana Browning and Tangie Morgan. 

Thank you for reading this column; as ever, the goal is to make you feel like you’re enjoying small town life in a friendly mountain town called Saluda. Feel free to contact me at bbardos@gmail.com, 828-749-1153, or visit bonniebardosart.com.