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The thing about snakes is that I don’t really mind the non-venomous variety, I just don’t like being surprised by them.

But then again, when would one ever not be surprised by them? I mean, if I look out over the fields, I expect to see horses, perhaps deer, maybe wild turkeys. I expect, and do, see a variety of birds flitting overhead or surveying their domain from fence rails.

But what I DON’T expect to see, and which had me reaching for an inhaler that I don’t own, was to swing open the door to our woodshop only to be met by—not two—but THREE black racer snakes, writhing around the entire.length.of.the.floor.  Easily six feet in length, their sheer size made me drop the leaf blower battery I had been carrying and jump backwards a foot. But I didn’t run away. In fact, like a stupid dog that advances out of curiosity just before it gets bitten on the nose, I did move cautiously forward and bent down to try to understand what I was witnessing.

“What is this?” I asked. “Some kind of P Diddy freak off? What’s going on here?”

As if one of the three would untangle itself and calmly reply, “Google, woman.”

“Fine,” I replied. “In the meantime, shut the door when you’re finished.”

Once safely back inside the house (after checking under the couch), I typed into my phone, ‘What does three tangled snakes mean?’

For some reason, AI supposed my query involved symbolism, or a dream, and blathered on for several paragraphs about tangled snakes possibly meaning ‘intense spiritual growth,’ ‘significant life changes or challenges you are navigating,’ and ‘the need to confront hidden fears.’

“What do you mean, ‘confront hidden fears?’” I scoffed aloud. “What the hell do you think I was just doing in the tool shed? Knitting?”

In the end, I learned that what was probably happening was a “mating ball,” in which two male snakes were rasslin’ for the female. Even though they were stretched out and twisted around each other, the google machine informed me that, whichever the two males were, they were dukin’ it out by trying to pin each other’s head to the ground.

Whomever is victorious gets the female and the loser slithers away.

I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to try to pin some guy’s head down on the floor when you don’t have arms. Or even shoulders. That takes some kind of strength.

Thank goodness human males don’t have to go through this sort of ritual to impress women. Sure, we’ve all heard about bar fights and even duels fought over a female. But when it’s all over she certainly doesn’t have to choose either man. Not these days. She can turn on her heel and approach a guy with far more to offer…

Credit.