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This one is for you guys. And it’s a bit personal. Not for me—for you.

Now, why on earth would your Aunty Pam even think she could, or should, meddle in your personal life? Well, let’s put it this way: if you knew something could affect a lot of people in an unpleasant way, and you also happened to write a weekly column, wouldn’t you feel somewhat inclined to help get the word out?

Well, I do.

So, deep breath, here we go. Let me hoist my trash can lid to serve as a shield as I now type a word that has become most divisive in our culture: vaccine. Obviously, it is your choice whether you vaccinate yourself against COVID, shingles, flu, pneumonia, or what have you. And there are millions of both men and women who both do and do not.

But now we have a measles epidemic that is spreading through states and schools, not unlike the wildfires burning through our beloved Carolinas. One glance at the comments beneath the online news articles about the disease confirmed the division regarding vaccinations is as impassable as one might suspect. Many, including those suspecting government interference, boldly posted that measles isn’t that big a deal, the death rate is low, and there was no way they would receive a booster if needed.

I asked a pediatrician friend of mine how true that was and he, as expected, strongly recommended all children and adults, who were due a booster, receive the vaccination.

“Is it pretty serious if adults contract it?” I asked.

“It can be,” he replied, adding, “But more importantly, the measles vaccine is part of the MMR vaccine.”

I cocked my head in puzzlement like a dog hearing another dog bark on the TV.

“Meaning?”

“This means it protects against measles, mumps, and rubella. None of those are fun to come down with if you’re an adult.” he gave a wry smile. “Especially mumps. Especially men. But it’s pretty easy to spot those guys.”

I opened my mouth to ask further, and he mimed typing. “Google is your friend, Pam.”

A quick internet visit to the Mayo Clinic explained it all concisely. While adult women who contract mumps can end up with inflamed ovaries, breast tissue, and possible miscarriage if pregnant, both sexes can develop complications as serious as pancreatitis, Meningitis, hearing loss, and, in rare cases, cardiac issues.

But you gents…Ahem, well, 1 out of 3 post-pubertal males who contract mumps will develop Orchitis, which generally manifests 4 to 7 days after the parotid (the thing in your neck that makes you look like a bullfrog) gland swells.

Orch— what?

As this is a family column, let me just put it this way, fellas. It means your boys become swollen, like, twice or even three times in size, really painful, and it’s going to be very difficult to go bowling with cold packs inside your supportive underwear. Also, according to Mayo Clinic, it can take several weeks, or even months, for the tenderness to go away. In rare cases, it can even negatively impact your fertility.

So, yeah, while it would be wonderful to prevent the current scourge of measles, just remember: where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and where there’s measles, there will also be mumps in due course.

Along with a run on ice…