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Suppose I were to tell you that, according to a recent report released by U.S. Customs and Border Protection, the attempted smuggling of a certain item since October 2024 had increased by 36% (with one crossing by San Diego and Tijuana, up by 158%). What would you guess that item to be?

Fentanyl?

Nope.

Guns? Oops, sorry, that was supposed to be filed under export.

Tequila?

Still wrong. And when I tell you, it’s possible you might experience the same whirl of emotions as did I, beginning with incredulity before morphing into outrage.

EGGS!! That’s right: e.g.g.s Eggs!! 

Those smugglers are pretty sharp. They’ve observed our shortage, and they know their bounty is of the same jaw-dropping value that we put on toilet paper during COVID: Texas Tea, Jed. Omlettes that you’re going to have to pry from my cold, dead hands.

Have you ever driven anywhere in Mexico? I have. And I’m going to admit it— I have gritty admiration for ANYONE who can safely smuggle hundreds, nay, thousands of eggs over beat-up Mexican roads when I can’t even manage to bring in a single carton from the car without cracking at least two. Who are these people who can pack all these eggs into the wheel wells of cars or under the false floor of a big rig, unscathed, and why haven’t they been given instant citizenship and perhaps a government appointment?! I’m pretty sure Waffle House would purchase the majority of this booty. No more 50 cent surcharge from them on any egg dish we order, which translates into customer satisfaction, more sales, a stimulated economy, and lowered inflation.

Who knew getting this country back on track could be so easy? It’s just basic supply and demand.

Eggonomics, 101!