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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

I’ve hit an impasse with my husband and am not really sure what to do. I’m seeing behavior from ‘Dan’ which I’ve never experienced in our 36 years of marriage.

Dan and I are both Republicans and we both voted for President Trump in all three elections. I will admit that the President says and does things that make me uncomfortable, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. My husband, however, since Elon Musk became involved, has absolutely panicked. He is furious with everything that is happening, especially the federal job cuts, because he’s a veteran and says mostly veterans are being affected. I haven’t looked to see if what he says is accurate, but it doesn’t matter. He wakes up angry and goes to bed angry. He even says he’s going to protest if our senator has a town hall meeting. He’s becoming very loud about it to our friends as well, which is embarrassing to me.

When I ask him to calm down, he becomes angry with ME and said if I don’t support him as a veteran, then I am not supporting him as my husband. What can I do? We’ve always had a happy, stable marriage and now I feel like I don’t know him at all.

 

Signed,

Dan’s wife

 

Dear DW,

 

Boy howdy, this is a two-prosecco conundrum! Politics are tricky indeed, as we can readily see in the division in our country. I actually sympathize with your husband and all veterans.

You know, we’ve all been hearing a lot of disparaging things about federal workers and it becomes easy to think of them as faceless bureaucrats until they become you, your relative, friend, or neighbor. And while I’m no therapist (you’d think after 6 years in community college I would have been given SOMETHING), I’m going to guess it must feel to Dan like he’s had a bucket of ice water thrown over his head. There’s probably a whirligig of emotions spinning through his brain right now. 

For sure, consider couples therapy to hash this out with a trusted mental health professional and perhaps in the meantime, ask Dan to sit down and vent everything he is feeling. Perhaps draw up a plan together how to move forward to bring awareness to the situation: letters to the editor, phoning your representative, getting involved with veteran affairs, and sure, why not—peaceful protest. In short— turning his anger into usefulness to help protect those he cares deeply for.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam