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Hey Aunty Pam,

 

I’ve been seeing this gal that I like a lot (we’re both in our 50s, but I think she must own stock in Yankee Candle because every time I go over to her house, she’s burning candles, even in the daytime. She likes scented ones, and the whole house smells like a cross between a bakery and the kind of flowery perfume a hooker would wear.

‘Emily’ is from Norway and said it’s cultural and everybody lights candles when guests come over. I told her that’s fine, but she’s in America now, and to us, it’s weird. She looked a little surprised and got real quiet. I told her that lighting that many candles makes folks think she’s trying to cover up some smell. 

She’d made dinner and stayed pretty quiet, so I asked her if she was pouting because I made fun of her candles. She said she didn’t feel well and would call me tomorrow. That was three days ago.

How long does a woman hold a grudge?

 

Signed,

Chuck

 

Dear Emily,

 

“Gal.” “You’re in America now.” “Are you pouting?”

Run. Run fast and don’t look back, or you might turn into a pillar of misogyny.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam