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As I have inadvertently caused many of you to be as amped up as a Jack Russell trembling at the sight of a squirrel, I have changed tactics this week on my holiday food ‘must haves.’ But I do stand by my early Christmas stollen treats and it’s not my fault if any of you decided to devour them in one sitting.

Neither did I appreciate your messages complaining that you were up at 2 a.m. repairing vinyl siding and your teeth hurt. For heaven’s sake, you are adults, and a little self-restraint is in order. Surely the powdered sugar coating was a warning?

So, let us move into the liquid category.

I am not a heavy drinker by any means, nay, not even a moderate one. But I am a snobby one. I eschew sugary concoctions (you’ll never see me drink a mimosa or anything with Cola). Give me a martini— not a stupid ‘chocolate’ or ‘warm apple pie martini— what are you, five? A proper martini. A quality vodka or gin, in my view, needs no tarting up. And neither does whiskey.

Which brings me to Fireball. Evidently, I’m one of the few who only learned about this trendy whiskey relatively recently when a good friend, whom I’ve now lost complete bibulous respect for, gasped over Messenger, “You haven’t tried FIREBALL??”

“What makes it so good?” I asked, anticipating another barrage of incredulous emojis.

“OMG, OMG, it’s cinnamon flavored and sort of syrupy—“

“OK, got it,” I began to cross message, “We’re talking red solo cup, fraternity hazing booze generally ordered by the loud, obnoxious guys at the end of the bar.”

“No, I’m not,” she replied tersely. “Stop being so judgmental.”

And then she changed my life.

“I’m talking pumpkin pie. I’m talking using Fireball as an essential ingredient in your pumpkin pie to kick butt and take names.”

Reader, I married him.

Or, should I say, Fireball. That is EXACTLY how this 66% proof sugary-hot nectar should be used. The depth of heat it brings to that creamy pumpkin filling, the way it brings light back to the eyes of me-maw, who has been straddling the line between here and oblivion for the past couple of years…this is powerful stuff. And if I had any entrepreneurial work ethic, I would contact Fireball and pitch the idea that they put out a seasonal line of frozen pumpkin pies laced with the stuff (alcohol content burned off beforehand), then sit back and make a killing. Seriously, if you were in the frozen food section at Harris Teeter’s and were trying to decide between a Mrs Smith Pumpkin Pie and a Fireball brand Pumpkin Pie…is it even a contest?

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I know what kinda pie I’m making. And I might even chase it with a stollen.