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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

I’m so upset I don’t know what to do. I hope you can help me!

I’m supposed to be getting married next month to the man of my dreams at the wedding of my dreams. My grandparents live in an old farmhouse that’s been in our family for generations. Most of the farm was sold, but they still have 20 acres with a beautiful view of the mountains. I’ve always dreamed of getting married there at an outdoor wedding, especially in the fall when all the leaves turn. My grandparents know this and have given their blessings on the wedding.

My fiancé is a musician and artist. He has long hair that he wears in a ponytail, a couple of tattoos, and some piercings. His eyebrow is pierced, and he wears three silver hoops in it. When I took Alex over to my grandparents’ house to meet them and have dinner, my granddad looked at him and said, ‘Hello, young man. Have you ever thought of sticking a curtain rod through those hoops?’ Then he started laughing. Alex sort of laughed, but dinner was awkward.

Now Alex says he’s not comfortable getting married there because Granddad gave off such a weird vibe and he doesn’t feel welcome. I’ve tried to tell him he does that to everybody. Once he even told my best friend that “Bozo the Clown had smaller feet than she did.” 

Alex says that just makes it worse, and he doesn’t want to be stressed the whole wedding, waiting for Granddad to launch another grenade. He thinks we should just elope now.

I am completely crushed. It’s not a big wedding and I haven’t paid any deposits but wedding invitations went out ages ago and I’d have to email people to tell them plans have changed and return gifts that have arrived. I’m in tears all the time and wonder if I should just call the whole thing off.

Any ideas?

 

Signed,

Depressed fiancé,

 

Dear Fiancé,

 

Having had a father who once told a friend of the family, ‘I’ve seen better teeth on a horse’ I do empathize, but I must also add…Alex is being a bit precious about it all, isn’t he? Considering how incredibly stressful weddings can be, if Gramps’ comment is the worst thing that’s happened, Aunty Pam thinks you’re getting off lightly.

Look…clearly Granddad is a bit of a codger and everyone knows that as people age, they start losing their filter to edit comments. We become eccentric and really, it’s one of the few things to which seniors look forward! 

Can’t Alex wear the comment (which, sorry, did make me lose a mouthful of Prosecco during a spit take) like a badge of honor? 

There’s going to come a day when Granddad has gone to the big funhouse in the sky and the preacher will ask all those attending his memorial if they’d like to share stories about him. The shower rod and Bozo quips are going to get a lot of laughs and I can guarantee they won’t be the only ones.

In the meantime, show this to Alex:  Dude. Chill. You cannot change a wedding venue a month away from the big day. You wear your piercings to express yourself. And let’s face it: you know people will react in one way or another. And Gramps did. You can’t change him, but you can change your reaction to him. Laugh it off. Offer to pierce his too. This is such a little deal. But this farmhouse wedding is a huge deal to your fiancé.  Don’t harsh her mellow.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam