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Dear Aunty Pam,

 

I’m hoping you can help me with a problem.

My husband’s niece just got a great job as a meteorologist in another city/state, and her family is throwing a big celebration and farewell dinner at a really nice restaurant. Everyone is proud of her and will miss her a lot.

The problem is my husband’s ex-wife, ‘Barbie’. I call her that because she’s had a lot of plastic surgery to the point she looks like a Barbie doll. She has remained friendly with my husband’s niece and so has been invited to this dinner. I can’t stand her. She’s flirty, drinks too much, laughs too loud— everything about her irks me. I just know she’s going to be all over my husband like a cheap suit. 

Last night I told my husband it’s either Barbie or me, because I’m not going to this party if she is. He told me I was being ridiculous, so I said fine, but I’m not going, and that’s final. Now he won’t even talk to me.

Help!

 

Signed,

Current Wife

 

Dear CW,

 

Repeat after Aunty Pam: “This party is not about ME. I am not the center of the universe. The world does not revolve around my dysfunctional point of view.”

The night is about your NIECE, capiche? It’s about creating a celebratory atmosphere to both congratulate her and send her on to her new life with golden memories in her rearview mirror. It is not about you sitting with your arms crossed like a ten-year-old at the dinner table, glowering at Barbie and making your husband’s night a miserable one. He’s married YOU, ‘member?

It’s Friday, Wifey. I have Prosecco on ice awaiting me, so Aunty Pam shall be brief. Get your butt to that party, sit down, shut up, and smile until your cheeks ache.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam